A Disney Blog: Disney's UP!

     So I recently re watched Disney's Up to do this post with my friend who had never seen it before. Guess what?! SHE CRIED LIKE 8 TIMES!! Why you ask? Simple, UP is the most depressing movie of all time! It's like the kids equivalent to Precious. THIS MOVIE SHOULD BE CALLED "F*CKED UP!"

Let's break down the story a little bit (If I ruin the story line for you I'm sorry...did you not think the post about the movie would talk about the movie..kinda your fault...just sayin). So the story begins with a little squared headed boy watching a movie of his hero. His hero being a great adventurer. The setting is seemingly early- mid 1900's I'm asserting late 1930's bear in mind that's an estimate.  Anyway, Little boy conquers a rock, and a crack in the side walk only to have his super awesome balloon taken from him by a wind and swept into a decrepit, old house.

     Upon entry he is greeted by a somewhat androgynous girl character (she becomes girlier after she takes off her helmet. She helps him break his arm..err get his balloon back...both.  Afterwards there romance blossoms. They get older, date, get married and begin to grow old together.  All the while following there mutual dream to go to Paradise Falls.

Then they decide to have a baby, guess what?! SHE CAN'T CONCEIVE :( Then she gets sick :'( Then He buys them tickets to go to the FALLS :)...Oh except SHE DIES BEFORE THEY CAN GO! (T-T)...whew that's a lot of bad all at once right?! Well it'll probably get better soon

     WRONG! Next scene he's widowed in his house, talking to his dead wife, Ellie, as if she lives there.  Next he goes outside YAY! Oh and his front lawn is a construction lot and a building company is trying to force him to move. GOOD NEWS! They succeed (I didn't say who it was good news for) How? Cuz little old man assaults someone with his walker and the state tries to repossess his house!

Enter fat little Asian boy...First of all how sad is it to be the only fat Asian EVER!! But that won't keep fat Asian kid Down! He's gonna be a nature scout and all he has to do is help an old person to get his next badge. So he's gonna help old square head! Old dude says no thanks and sends him to hunt for a Snipe "fictional creature".

Old man has more important things to worry about There gonna take his house remember!? SO he takes action! Harnessing all of the knowledge he gained being the balloon guy at the zoo for his entire life he rigs his house to float away in order to escape the evil Assisted Living Home. Oh but there's a knock on the door.  Fat Asian kid, Who's name is Russel btw...I'll call him that from now on cuz honestly he could also be Mexican....Mexicasian...Anyway, turns out Russel was under the deck looking for the Snipe and Old Man accidentally abducted him when he decided to take his house for a walk.  Why does Russel try so hard to impress this old man? HE HAS NO DAD, well kind of...He has a busy dad who doesn't care about him!..The no dad is kind of making me lean more Mexican but honestly I don't think anyone of any ethnicity would claim this kid. 

      So now they're in the sky, in the house talking to each other in the weird awkward way a 3rd grader would talk to an old person.  It is at this point revealed that old man is crazy over protective of his house, which he talks to pretending it's his wife. So:

 material things= Only connection to dead wife= Don't fuck with crazy old man's stuff

So next a storm sweeps up their balloon powered house and sends them to South America, Dorothy style. Luckily They land very near Paradise Falls. The old man is ecstatic. As he and his wife always wanted to move their.  He decides to walk his house which is looming over them like a parade float to the other side.

     Now the adventure is set and as they hike they meet a rare colorful, dodo-esque bird which is named Kevin! AND A M*THA F*CKING TALKING DOG!! The dog is named Dug and has been given orders to take the bird prisoner. Dug has been given this task by his master, as well as the other dogs who seem to suspect that Dug suffers from mild to moderate autism. The other dogs astounded that Dug found the rare bird that their master wants  run to find him before he ruins it by being retarded.  Too late, the bird is gone!
                                                            
     So the other dogs decide to take old man and Russel prisoner so his master can interrogate him. OMG crazy plot twist the dogs master is the old man's hero from the 1930's movie at the beginning.  The old man is so excited he practically pisses his pants, in fact he probably does.. (What do old people smell like? DEPENDS!) Old guy is so excited that he nearly misses the fact that his hero is a fucking sociopath on the who sits around all day and yells at dogs to chase birds. He immediately threatens them and they have an old man staredown then Russel mentions the bird, cuz he's a dumbass! The evil old man whom we'll call old man B reveals that the bird (Kevin) is a mommy and he intends to capture it to take it to America, thus killing the baby birds in the process.

    So they get the HELL UP OUT OF THERE! Now you may try to say an old man and a 4th grader dragging a floating house getting a way from several dozen hunting dogs, BULLSHIT!..I say Disney MAGIC! With the aide of  Kevin they escape unscathed...Or they would have except Dug (Now on their team), almost fell of a cliff, the bird broke it's leg, and the house got torn all up.

They agree to try and help Kevin get to her babies. The almost succeed . At the last minute Old man B  captures the bird and sets old man A's house on fire. Old man A frantically puts out the fire, tells Dug to leave, and refuses to help Russel any longer.

   Wtf/e Russel doesn't need that noise anyway! He chases after Old man B's blimp with a few balloons and snow blower.  He makes it aboard, and hey gets caught.  Now Old man B is really pissed so he tries to throw this kid off the side of a blimp! WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT! Luckily Dug and Old Man A reunite to save Russell and Kevin. Then Epic old man fight!...

In the process of saving Russel and Kevin Old Man B dies and Old man A loses his precious house containing the only memories of his dead wife. Dug becomes the new alpha dog as he traps the old Alpha dog in the "cone of shame" The group says goodbye to Kevin and returns home.

At the close of the movie Russel is finally getting his badge for helping old people.  His dad even shows up to pin his badge on at the award ceremony...OH just kidding Old Man A pins it on for him because Russel's dad still doesn't love him. Russel's mom waves seemingly thrilled with the idea that her son's new and only friend is an old, now homeless, man who talks to dogs and houses, lives by himself and has been convicted of assault charges. GREAT PARENTING! Afterwards Dug, Russel and Old man A get ice cream and things are peaceful...

So for summary purposes here's a T chart:

Good things                         Bad things
---------------------------------------
Funny Talking Dog| Hero's turns out to be a dick
Funny Bird            | Russel's dad hates him
Bird babies live      | Old mans wife dies
                             | Old man loses house
                             | Old Man gets charged with assault
                             | Old Man must watch his house burn in front of him
                             | Dug gets abandoned
                             | Old Man B LOSES HIS F-ING MIND
                             |Old Man begins to hang out with Russel
                             | Russel's mom seems entirely oblivious to the fact her son was missing
                             | Old mans wife couldn't conceive
                             | Old mans wife died the SAME DAY he bought tickets to go to the falls
                             | Paradise Falls SUCKS

yeah it's a little one sided...huh?

DAMN I REALLY WANTED TO FIND A VIDEO OF THE FIGHT SCENE BETWEEN THE OLD MEN :(... Well in my research for this post I was reminded of a talented youtuber whose channel is secondcity..maybe thesecondcity...Any way She kind of did her take on messed up things about some disney movies.  She kind of took Beauty in the beast cuz i wanted to talk to you about how f-ed up that movie is but I'll let her do it instead. She speaks so eloquently after all

***NOTE** as always the pictures and videos are NOT MINE...So please don't sue me Disney, or Pixar!

Peace!
                    Jared